A healthy sex life is variable and depends on each couple’s ideals, desires, and beliefs regarding sex. Also to be taken into consideration are age, life circumstances, and personal preferences as sex drive waxes and wanes across the life span. What is most important is that both individuals are in tune and on the same page regarding where you are sexually. It can be scary or frustrating if things are not where you feel they should be, even though it is not one person’s fault. If one or both partners do not feel comfortable with where the sexual relationship is, it can be difficult to get things back on track.
Here are some ideas to get you started and back into the bedroom:
- Keep an open mind
All of us have our preferences and things that we like to do. But over time, that can lead to staleness or boredom. Whether trying new positions, trying a new time of the day, or changing your setting, be open to trying something new or different. Changing things up can keep things spicy and re-energize your sex life.
- Trade places
If one person is usually the initiator, switch things up. Having the other person get things started can boost the chemistry of the encounter. Maintaining a sexual relationship takes effort from both parties, so having the individual who rarely initiates take initiative can reinvigorate the spark.
- Nurture the emotional connection
With all of the things going on in your life, you may not be fostering the mental and emotional connection in your relationship. Try to remember what made you fall in love in the first place. The little things like spending time alone, laughing together, and having some fun can help to restore the chemistry. Rebuilding the foundation of the relationship makes you feel more secure and aids in conflict resolution. Resolving issues and regaining confidence will bring you closer, and you will be more apt to want to get back into the bedroom.
- Put it on the calendar
I know, I know. Scheduling sex seems to take all the fun out of it. It seems unnatural and rigid. But couples who have a regular time set aside are more likely to have sex than those who just go with the flow. Having a sex date does not limit you from having sex at other times, but it does ensure that you carve out moments to spend together for closeness and intimacy. So pull out those planners and get to scheduling!
- Check in
Regularly checking in with your partner on how you feel about the relationship as a whole, including the sexual aspect, promotes increased communication and engagement. Many couples assume that they know what the other person is thinking or feeling, but over time, we may be less able to read our partner, or there may have been shifts in thinking. This is the perfect time to discuss new things that you may want to try, or bring back an old trick you’ve been missing! You may also use this time to confront any unmet needs in the relationship in general.