The Alpha Female. In social studies, the alpha is the highest ranking individual. They are usually the superior physical specimen, the most aggressive, and the most respected. Others around recognize their position and fall in line. Mating in the animal kingdom is streamlined as only alpha males traditional have access to her.
There is no formal definition for this being in human nature; however she exists in literature, science and sociology as The Alpha Woman. Her profile has evolved over time and has been described in various ways, both positive and negative. Educated. Overachieving. Controlling. Assertive. Confident. She carries a striking resemblance to the alpha female in the animal kingdom, but with the human traits of being a leader, self-assured and goal oriented.
Why then does the alpha woman carry such a bad rap? Why all of the negativity when referring to her? In my experience, it is her role within the dating world that brings out the complexities of how society views the alpha woman. In the workplace, she is the one you want on your team. Likely leading it. But in the dating arena, many don’t know how to receive her. And there are a number of myths associated with her position within relationships. Many of these beliefs are exaggerated or based on stereotypes, yet impact how potential suitors view a union with an alpha woman.
Let’s examine and debunk some common myths associated with dating an alpha woman.
Myth #1- She is competitive within a relationship.
Studies show that high achieving men are moving towards dating women with higher economic means and higher educational attainment. Men do respect and appreciate a woman for her accomplishments, but the traits that help her to be successful in her life and career are not generally ones they seek out in women for a relationship. Competitiveness, aggression, and being opinionated are things that get her to the top of her class or head of her department, but don’t necessarily score points in the relationship department.
However, an alpha woman is often more modest and vulnerable in a relationship than she is in the workplace or with others in her life. She seeks to encourage her mate and provide support instead of competing with him, and values his success as a complement not detriment to her own.
Myth #2- Being in a relationship is not one of her priorities.
Many successful, driven career women have a blueprint for achieving her goals. She knows exactly what she wants and where she is headed to become the person she dreamt she would be. However many of those dreams did not include personal goals. She did not think about what her wedding would be like; did not picture herself as a wife and mother. The truth is she didn’t plan much for her personal life at all. But this does not mean that it is not something that the alpha woman wants. Anything that is important has to be given the appropriate attention, so when she is ready and in a healthy space to be a good partner she will make being in a relationship a priority. She will approach relationships with the same vigor that she does the other goals in her life, so is guaranteed to give it her all!
Myth #3- That she will be controlling in a relationship.
A good listener, encouraging and understanding are traits that men look for in a mate. Because the alpha woman is often direct and domineering in her career, men worry that she may not possess some of the more relaxed characteristics when in a relationship. The thought is that she will carryover feelings of dominance and rightness from the workplace into a relationship setting, leading to an environment where he will be controlled.
The reality is an alpha woman knows how to adjust her approach and behavior depending on her circumstances, and the same applies when she is dealing with relationships. She knows how to take control in certain situations as well as dial back in others. She knows when to lead and when to follow. The alpha woman is perceptive, and uses those skills to her advantage. She knows how to be an equal and not just an alpha.